Updated: Jul 6
Falling apart in my kitchen, crying out, "God, show me how to lead my children to you. When I myself have failed so many times." I remember listing all my failures, not directing my children to God (even though I grew up in a church myself), not living in a Godly way, being too far gone for Him to reach His hand out for me again. This list really could have gone on forever. I rattled off all my shortcomings and my past that God already knew, yet He listened as if it were the first time hearing these things. I hit my knees in my kitchen, begging God to take over because I knew I could no longer do ANY OF THIS without Him. I lifted my hands and fully surrendered. I mean I LITERALLY said the words, "God, I surrender! I CANNOT do this without you. I give my life back to you. I need your help."
In this moment God seemed to drop everything and pick me up, carrying me once again. In this moment, He showed up and without reminding me of my past that was eating my spirit for so long. God swooped in with what felt life a chariot of grace, ALL FOR ME!
This was the true turning point in my life. That one last shake from God, as if to say "get it together girl, I NEED you!" I thank Him every day for that one last in my face moment, that really grabbed my attention. I was so focused on reminding God of every aspect of my life that I failed in, all while He was focused on me FINALLY making my way back to Him. In the midst of all the noise of my list of failures, my soul paused and all I could hear was "START WHERE YOU ARE" over and over in my head!
To me this meant, stop focusing on the failing part.
Stop looking at what I didn't do up to this point.
The truth is we can stop and change directions at any point in our life. We have this beautiful option to come to God at any point in our life. If we are coming to Him whole heartedly, He is there with open arms. All while NOT reminding us of our shortcomings. To me, God sent me this message "start where you are" to let me know, He knew I was ready. He knew this was the time I would lay down that old life and walk in Him. He knew my heart and every wrong I've done, every mistake I've made in motherhood and life in general. Yet, He wasn't focused on those things, I WAS, all He saw was me coming back to Him and bringing three young men to work for His glory.
He saw the good amidst my broken pieces. He saw the good when I could only see the wrong and shame. All He wanted from me, was to simply start where I was in that moment. As long as we have breath in our lungs, we have time to build that personal relationship with God. This is His greatest desire. For us to want nothing more than to know His true grace, mercy and redemption.
My hope and prayer is that Full Circle Ministries provides the encouragement for anyone to take those first steps in building a personal relationship with God.